It's the Little Things

For the past three days I've been watching a dove and her mate build a nest just outside my window. She sits and eagerly awaits for him to retrieve twigs and branches for their little nest that is quickly growing in weaves and tangles. I watch her dwell in her nest and she observes me living in mine.

Right now the bills are piling up as our car has died for the third time in a month. Insurance is due. We trekked to the grocery store this morning for our weekly hunting and gathering. We just refinanced our home. And I feel terribly guilty for purchasing $6.99 lip gloss last night. I hate financial issues!

So I glance out the window and watch the dove preparing for her future. The lavender bushes in our yard sway to the gentle nudges of the summer breeze. Our peaches are blushing, painted by the sun's warming rays. Right now I am savoring the simple things. When we get too comfortable, sometimes God needs to give us a wake up call to the things that are most important.

(I just took these pictures in my yard. What a pretty day!)

Lanie Bug's Room

I love to decorate and I finally finished Elliana's room yesterday. I wanted it to be sweet but not too babyish so that she could grow into it. I'm also very cheap so the whole thing cost me under $200. I made the drapes, wall hanging, table coverings and reupolstered a hand-me-down rocking chair with material from a close out fabric store. The cherry blossom branches were given to me by a friend who bought them as centerpieces for my baby shower (its cool how they came full circle!) Lamps were expensive, so I bought three Chinese lanterns with chord for $40. The crib and changing table were my nieces' and nephew's. Some acrylic paint for about $2.00 and voila!, a lady bug wonderland!

Being Content

I'm finally content. As I sit at my desk today deciding what I should write about I realized this colossal fact: I am finally content. My surroundings haven't changed; it's what God has done in my heart.

I honestly cannot remember a time in my life where I was happy being right where I was. I wanted a better job. I wanted to look better. I wanted a bigger house. I wanted more money. Okay, so those are things I still want (plus no pain, another child, a better city to live in...). But I realized that if the blessings I have now were the only ones that God so deems to give me, I would be grateful.

There's something about waiting and fighting for the things you want that makes you appreciate the reward. I prayed for Vince for two years before we ever went out on our first date. I prayed for a house for two years and the down payment came from my car accident insurance money (so it was definitely bought with my blood, sweat and tears.) I prayed for Elliana for six years before God ever put her in my womb. And there are several people who traveled and fought along side me when I no longer had the strength or faith to keep on going. I am blessed.

Every night I pray for my daughter and the traits that I want her to have. I realized that the only way for her to develop into a woman of God is for me to pattern what that should look like. Boy, did that convict me! The bumps and bruises of life have caused me to be a cynic. Time and motherhood have caused me to re-evaluate who I am and who I want to be. My first step is towards gratefulness.

The Five Love Languages - Book and Topic Review

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
The Heart of the Five Love Languages
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
The Five Love Languages of Children
The 5 Love Languages Men's Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts
The Five Love Languages Singles Edition
by Dr. Gary Chapman

For our church Ladies' retreat in the spring, I taught a workshop on the Five Love Languages. If you have never explored this topic, it is really worth looking into. It can change all your relationships from your spouse to your kids to your friends. This talk was mainly for married women, but can be applied in any relationship on different levels.

There are several different books that Dr. Chapman covers Love Languages in, and even though I have read the Children's version before, my husband and I are reading it together now to make sure that we are on target with our three kids. There are also versions specifically for men, single adults, and marriages that could use a tune up.

Here is a summary of my discussion notes and an overview of the book:

  

Paul said to the Gentiles in 1 Cor. 13:13, “Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.”

 Dr. Chapman says that we all have an Emotional Tank.  It's either full or empty, like a bank with deposits and withdrawals

In marriage – Your spouse will change for the positive if their “tank” is full

In kids – a full tank will them operate as they should and reach their potential

Love Languages are the ways in which we express and want love expressed to us. There are five basic love languages:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Unconditional love is what kids need – Conditional love is performance based and is what most kids feel.

 “If children feel genuinely loved by their parents, they will be more responsive to parental guidance in all areas of their lives.”

Physical needs are easy to recognize, but we need to also focus on mental and emotional growth as well.

You cannot determine a child’s love language if they are under 5

Even in discovering the love language of your spouse or child, not everything will always go perfectly. There will be set backs, but we can all benefit from the effort of expressing love

#1 Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a compliment”.
Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”
Proverbs 12:25 “An encouraging word cheers a person up”
Words of affirmation are words that build up
Usually quick and to the point, must be sincere

Encouraging words:

Encourage means “to inspire courage”
Perhaps your spouse or child has untapped potential and just need a few words from you to inspire them to step out
The person must already have a desire for something or else it sounds like condemnation – example – losing weight

Kind Words: 
Love is kind
More people interpret what we are saying by the tone of our voice more than the words we are actually saying – example – “I love you.”      I love you?

Perhaps this is an area of much hurt and struggle in your relationships. Today is a new day!

"Don’t mess up today with yesterday"

In an argument, approach with softness and kindness- see what happens if you can control your words
Forgiveness is the way of love

Humble Words
Love makes requests, not demands
How you ask makes a big difference
There is a difference in being a spouse/spouse and a spouse/child
Ask in a way that affirms their worth and abilities
They can do something meaningful and worthwhile, affirm, don’t belittle

Various Dialects
All have something in common – to affirm one’s spouse
One of the deepest human needs is the need to feel appreciated
Indirect words – compliment them when they are not even around
Written words

#2 Quality Time
Quality Time is undivided attention, not watching TV together. It involves looking at each-other, talking, taking a walk.

The difference between married couples and dating couples – eye contact
Togetherness is a key, not proximity (same room), focused attention
Not what you are doing that matters, but what happens on an emotional level

Quality Conversation is where two individuals are sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.

Words of Affirmation is saying
Quality Conversation is hearing

Listening
We try to analyze problems and provide solutions – relationship calls for sympathetic listening
1. Maintain eye contact
2. Don’t listen and do something else at the same time
3. Listen for feeling
4. Observe body language
5. Refuse to interrupt
     a. the average person only listens for 17 seconds

Learning to Talk
It may not come easy – quality conversation requires sympathetic listening and self revelation
How am I feeling? Emotions are good or bad – they are responses to the events of life

Personality Types
Dead Sea – goes nowhere, nothing to give
Babbling Brook – Whatever they see or hear they need to talk about

#3 Receiving Gifts
A gift is something you hold in your hand and say, “He was thinking of me”
Not so much the monetary value, but the sentiment
Flower from a child
Gifts are a symbol of love – wedding rings

To people whose love language is gifts, monetary value doesn’t matter unless it’s greatly out of line that what you can afford

Gifts and Money
Difference between spenders and savers

Gift of Self
Being there when your spouse needs you the most

Verbalize when you need someone’s presence – they can’t read your mind

#4 Acts of Service
Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do
Things that require thought, planning, time, effort and energy
In John 13:3-7 Jesus washed his disciples’ feet.
Gal. 5:13 “Serve one another in love”
Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love

Doormat or Lover?
When we treat our spouses like objects, we preclude the possibility of love.
Manipulation
Coercion by fear

Overcoming Stereotypes
There have been many sociological changes, but that doesn’t mean stereotypes haven’t been removed.
A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary to express love more effectively.
There are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse
Simple, but not easy

#5 Physical Touch
Physical Touch is a way of communicating love
Hebrew parents brought their children to Jesus to have him touch them in Mark 10:13
Wise parents are touching parents
Physical touch is very important to marital love
Touch doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s holding hands, touching a person’s hair, putting your hand on their arm.

The Body is for Touching
To touch my body is to touch me, to move away physically is to move away emotionally
Refusal to shake hand sends a very strong message
There are appropriate and inappropriate ways of touching in every society
In marriage, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of touching determined by the couple themselves
Bodies are for touching, not abuse
The trauma of an unfaithful spouse is even more devastating if the person’s love language is physical touch

Crisis and Physical Touch
We almost always hug each other in time of crisis
It is a powerful communicator of love
Tender touches will be remembered after a crisis has passed, failure to touch may never be forgotten either.

Discovering Your Primary Love Language
What makes you feel most loved by your spouse?
What do you desire about all else?
What hurts you most deeply?
Look back, what have you most requested?

It may be hard to discover your Love Language if your love tank is too full or too empty. You may need to write it out in addition to the profile to truly discover your language. Write out what you think it may be and why and rate them in order of importance.

Figuring out how you and your spouse and kids express love will greatly open the doors to a more fulfilling love experience and relationship.

If you go to the Website, you can take a free test to see what your love language is. There is also a test at the end of each book.

Pain in the Neck

As I've already written, I deal with fibromyalgia and have chronic pain. It really, really, REALLY stinks. The past few weeks it has been getting worse; I pop pills, take long showers, throw the aromatherapy heating pad into the microwave, and slap on a few menthol pain patches to no avail. There is one thing I keep forgetting to do and it should be the most obvious: pray.

I didn't really realize this until I went to church yesterday and the pastor prayed over the congregation. It got me thinking: "Why have I stopped praying for this issue that has plagued me for so long?" There are several reasons I've come up with:

1) Having a baby definitely keeps me busy. It certainly takes a lot of selflessness and my prayers are focused more on getting a good night's sleep (which is another dilemma unto itself).

2) It's so much easier to pop ibruprofen and hide in a steamy shower. When I pray for healing, I feel like I have to analyze my spiritual self and battle with feelings of doubt, forgiveness, and self loathing. I try to figure out why I'm not healed yet and after 13 years, that gets quite exhausting.

3) I've already had my miracle. God opened my womb and gave me the baby that I was longing to have. Asking for more just seems greedy.

4) I've given up. I figure if God hasn't healed me by now, this just might be the thorn that I have to bear the rest of my life. I'm tired of saying the same prayer and He's probably tired of hearing it.

Okay, all of these theories are complete garbage and my head knows it. I just get tired of fighting the same battle over and over. I guess now I have two things to pray for - healing AND a fresh touch from God. If I truly knew the character of God, I would probably never stop praying in the first place.

The Ultimate Gross Party for Boys

My six year old boy was turning seven. It was party time and my mind was busy going down many avenues of themes... He wanted a Mario party. Um.... no. Although I tried to think of things to do for it, I couldn't think of great activities, I had to come up with something that would seem cooler than his current obsession. After a huge belch and the laughter that came from his five-year-old sister and my frequent comment, "That's so gross..." and the discipline that followed, it hit me - boys are gross. Let's celebrate that quality for a day!

We decorated our long table where the kids would eat with plastic, plain table cloths from the dollar store. I took clear thread and hung plastic bugs over the table and sprinkled some on it. The centerpiece was a big clear glass punch bowl containing "Gross Punch". I used 7-up with different food coloring drops added and rainbow sherbet. It looked like a science experiment. Our "cake" was also in the center. I'll describe that under the "food" section.

If you read my previous articles on the elements of a party that I like to use, I'll walk you through our fun day...

Craft- As the kids arrived (both boys and girls), I had them make a fish print shirt. This was a technique that I learned in Japanese summer school in my youth on paper, and I thought it would be great on a shirt.  I purchased packages of 5 Hanes/ Fruit of the Loom plain white t-shirts at Walmart (or you can get them on sale at Michael's or in the clearance bins at Kmart for $.25). My mom bought several 6-10" fish from the market, and I put out disposable plates with regular acrylic craft paints and small foam brushes. The kids put on disposable gloves and painted a fish to their liking, then my mom (because it was just too gross for me) helped them to lightly press the painted side of the fish down on the shirt. They slowly lifted the fish and wrote their names in fabric squeeze paint near the fish image. We hung the shirts with clothes pins on a rope in the back yard to dry and as a decoration for the party.

Games- I borrowed the old baby shower game here. Nate's little sister Mia was just a baby in diapers, so I filled different ones with food items that the kids had to guess what was inside. The diapers were open so the kids could look at and smell what was inside. The different diapers contained mustard, peanut butter, melted chocolate, jelly, and pickle relish. The kids sat in a circle, passed the diapers and inspected them. The comments and looks on their faces were priceless! There wasn't so much a winner to this game. After all the diapers went around I held them up one a time and let them shout out the answers.
For the next game I had them feel what was in a lunch bag and guess what was in there (while still sitting in the circle.) Each bag had a number on it and I had grown ups help me here. They held the bag a little higher than the child's head and we had them reach in and feel and write what they thought it was on a 3x5" card. The grown up with the bag helped them write the answer if they needed assistance. In the different bags were peeled boiled eggs, boiled spaghetti, canned bay shrimp, gummy worms and kiwis. I instructed them not to squeeze the items, just feel them. I had my sister go around with baby wipes and a garbage bag for their hands. At the end I showed them what was inside each bag and they checked their cards.
Since those games were time consuming, we only did two.

Hunt- This wasn't really our usual hunt, but it was fun. After the games we had the kids gather around a coffee table and watch Nate and my mom dissect some squid. They were on the "hunt" for a surprise in the squid, which was the ink. My mom and Nate each had their own squid and my mom cut out the eyes, the "bone" and then the ink. She cut it open and let it ooze out. She instructed Nate the whole time on what to do. He was thrilled to use a knife for the first time, and to have such an attentive audience. It was great!

Pinata - For this we just got a plain pinata and decorated it with slime and dollar store bugs. We filled it with candy, plastic bugs and frogs, and chocolate eyes.

Food - I didn't want to go too overboard in this area because I wanted them to eat, so we had grapes, carrots, pb&j's cut into bug shapes, chips and gold fish crackers.
The cake - one of my favorite parts of the party! I used my mom's giant glass punch bowl and made a big Worms in Dirt. I bought the chocolate muffins from Costco (or you can make a chocolate cake mix according to the directions), cut them into cubes and layered them with chocolate pudding and Heath bar crumbles. Along the sides of the bowl I put gummy worms. On the top I ended with pudding and finely crushed oreos with worms sticking out. When we served it I gave them a squirt of whipped cream on the side and made sure that everyone got at least one worm. It was a hit!

I generally don't do goodie bags for parties because the kids take home their bag from the pinata and their shirt (or whatever craft they make.) I like to make them work for their goods!

Overall it was so much fun. I was so thrilled last year when I was working in my son's class (he's almost 10 now) and his friends were reminiscing about his Gross Party and how fun it was. They remembered it! Ah, it was so worth the effort!

Birthday Parties!

I love birthday parties!!! Starting with my son's first, I was hooked. When my kids were two to four that I kept the affairs small and the guest list pretty much consisted of family, but when school and activities filled our lives with more friends my whole excitement over birthday parties bloomed (to the skeptical and worried eye of my husband!)

If your child is old enough, it's important to sit down with them to discuss the theme, guest list, and food list. Letting them have input gives them satisfaction, and it's fun to share that time together. I think it can also be a great teachable moment when discussing who you are inviting and why. You can ask questions about different friends and why your child doesn't want certain kids there. It's up to you whether to invite the whole class or not. We have had parties both ways, and they both have positive and negative aspects. I also think it's important to set a budget and to discuss that with your child if they are old enough. It's very easy to get carried away for them and me!!
After a few years of trials and errors, I came to discover that there are a few can't miss items that are successes at every party:

#1 A craft upon arrival. As kids stagger in you don't have to help them all at once and it gives them something to focus on as they adjust to being there. And, whatever it is, it has time to dry.
#2 A few themed games. Three is the most kids can focus on.
#3 A treasure hunt!
#4 A pinata
#5 Food that matches the theme

I know that "goodie" bags are a big deal at parties, and I know that they are important to my kids. Even though I try to stress to them that it's not about them, it's about the birthday person, all kids have come to expect them. I don't love the idea of giving out bags of stuff - but I do like to make the kids work for them! By the end of the party the kids have enough loot from their craft to the hunt to the pinata and any prizes won. They don't leave empty handed and I use those items as the party time fillers activity rewards.

I generally start gathering prizes, items for the hunt, pinata fillers and such as soon as the theme is picked. Looking in the dollar bins at Target, the clearance aisles at discount stores or craft stores, and at the dollar stores are great places. It's important to keep track, though, if you are starting way in advance. You may end up with much more than you need and spend more than you anticipate!

Themes make the parties memorable and give you a guideline to follow. When my kids were small I tried really hard to avoid the whole "character" theme. I found it more fun to be creative with a more generic theme that didn't put me in a box to use only certain items at the party store. Some ideas are under the sea, zoo animals (or a certain favorite animal), cowboys, generic princess theme, tea party, bubbles, balls, candy land, bugs, music, etc.  If you use a more generic theme you can find items for your party at the fabric store, the dollar store, craft store... just about anywhere.

Now, if your child is really into certain characters, what can you do if they are set on it? Not much. I eventually gave in. You can still get creative with characters. I didn't love it, but it was their party after all! I will share the specifics of all our family parties in the next blog. Here are some of the parties we've had:

For Nate:
Star Wars
Gross Party
Scooby Doo
Ocean Adventure

For Zoe and Mia:
Angels
Princess
Tinker Bell
Ariel

Thy Will Be Done

As some of you know, I struggled with infertility for six long and painful years. During that time I journaled and wrote many articles for our Women's Ministries Newsletter. Here is one from August 2005.

“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.” We all know these familiar words. Being half Greek, I remember going to weddings and baptisms and hearing these words echo off the domed walls that towered with paintings of Mary and the apostles. I’ve heard sermons on the Lord’s Prayer and have taken pages of notes. I’ve seen outdated wall hangings written in embellished script lacquered to shiny wood reminding passers by of these hallowed words. It hasn’t been until now, when I’ve desperately prayed for specific issues in my life, that these sacred words have truly come to life: thy will be done.

Vince and I have been married for five wonderful years and I desperately want a baby. (Thy will be done.) I changed my life and my schedule to adjust to when this blessing would come. (Thy will be done.) I have pleaded, I have cried, I have prayed. (Thy will be done.) Each time I have prayed, each day I have prayed, I’ve asked for God’s perfect will to be done. If God doesn’t want me to have a baby, I don’t want to force my will and overrule his divine plan for my life. However, this is quite easy to write and so hard to live by. When my cousin had her baby shower, I debated whether or not I could handle the booties, bottles and bibs which would be glaring reminders of that which I did not have. Then I heard God’s soft voice interrupt the persistent arguments and rationalizations that filled my thoughts; He said gently and unmistakably that my love for my cousin had to be stronger than my jealousy of her. Needless to say, I rejoiced with my cousin over the birth of her baby girl. God gave her one of the most beautiful gifts anyone could experience and I can’t be jealous over someone else’s blessings.

He hasn’t told me to go through the medical process of getting pregnant or adopting a child; I have to be content waiting for His timing and His answers. The answer may be "no" forever. The answer may be that something else is planned for me first. I just have to be obedient in whatever God tells me to do. God’s will is the best place to be and the only place to be; anywhere else terrifies me. When God is in control, I know the best is yet to come.

Dear Lord, let your will be done in my life. Break down my pride, break down my flesh until your will is completed in my life. Being in your will means truly being a living sacrifice. I trust that you know best. Help me to be strong when I feel so weak and my mind is so confused. Amen.

Well, I did end up having a baby in September 2010 (without medical intervention). It was the hardest journey I have ever had to travel and I have somewhat of an idea of why this road was so long; I didn't have the patience, attitude or grateful heart to be the mom that Elliana needs me to be. God's will and His timing are perfect!

Wrestling With God

I wrestled with God for about seven years. I grunted with exertion, wept in pain and tried my best at manipulation to somehow get an answer from Him. I clung to Him in fear, I yelled in frustration. I thought that the more I struggled, the closer I would be to finding the answers. I had a glimpse into what Jacob went through when he wrestled with God, but I already had His blessings; I wanted to know the answer to a question that had plagued me for years.

On a cool September evening I got into a car accident. I wasn’t wearing a seat belt and I scalped myself on the car dashboard; it peeled back like a too ripe peach. I was sitting in the back middle seat of a Ford Bronco when our driver turned back to look at the three of us joking in the passenger seats. Unfortunately, the cars in front of us stopped and we didn’t. We hit two cars from behind going 40 miles an hour. I flew like a rag doll. I didn’t realize at first what had happened. Blood was splattered across the front seat. I anxiously looked around to find who was bleeding, and then I saw the look on my friend’s face: I must have been quite a sight. I lifted my hand to touch the top of my head and all I felt was a gooey mass of flesh. The ambulance arrived shortly after and called my parents to have them meet me at the hospital.
Twenty-two staples and ten stitches later, I was released from the hospital with a massive headache. That was the easy part. The hard part came when I found myself alone with God and the staple gun that the doctor gave me as a souvenir.

I looked a mess for the week after as blood crusted my hair and I could barely move. I couldn’t wash my hair for a week because they didn’t want the wound to get wet. The smell started to get rancid and my sister and I would pick out chunks of dried blood as we watched television. I would try to comb out the crusted blood without pulling on the scar or loosening a staple. I felt like the bride of Frankenstein. Even though physically I was wretched, it was my soul that felt shattered. I was a good Christian girl. I went on seven mission trips. I went to church three times a week! Didn’t God know that I already loved Him? Didn’t He know that I was serving Him? Why would He let this happen to me?

I fumbled over these questions and begged Him for answers. I would go to church, paste on a smile, and praise him with my lips. People would come up to me and say “Put it in God’s hands. He has a purpose,” or quote Romans 8:28 (NIV) “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” My head knew these things so well. My soul wanted to cry out from pain and disbelief. I didn’t want to turn my back on Him, but I wanted to know why. How could my Father allow this?

I had to quit college and move back home to complete the healing process. All of my hopes and dreams had to be put on hold and I didn’t know if I would be able to pick up the pieces.
Shortly after I moved home, I received the news from my MRI: I had a brain tumor in my pituitary gland. The pituitary gland is the hormone center of the brain and quite a scary place to have a brain tumor (but then again, any place is scary to have a brain tumor.) I pictured all these horrid hormone changes going wrong: lactating breasts, a chest hairier than a Greek man, my voice sounding strangely like my grandfather’s… I was dreading the future and I couldn’t bear to live in the present. I wanted to escape the prison that had become my life.

People started smiling at me and said “Well, there’s God’s purpose. You wouldn’t have found your tumor if you didn’t have your car accident.” That didn’t make me feel better. There shouldn’t be a tumor there in the first place! My life had been so wonderful. It wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t realize how good I had it. Now there was this impending journey before me that I didn’t want to face; I didn’t even know if I had the strength to go on. But I did go on with my life; there was no other choice.

It’s been fourteen years now and I still don’t have any answers. I did go through several phases on this journey, though. I went through the “if I smile and pretend life is good, I’ll be okay” phase. I couldn’t keep that up for too long. Next I went through the “What did I do wrong?” phase. This one lasted about six and a half years. I searched and searched for sin in my life. Maybe I shouldn’t have been out with non-Christian friends (even though we were just going shopping). I thought I didn’t do enough work to help save the lost. I thought I missed out on His will. The list was endless. My third phase was manipulation. I created a plethora of spiritual formulas to get the answers I needed and the healing I desperately desired. Prayer plus faith equals answers. No, that didn’t work. Patience plus repentance equals answers. Okay, how about thanking God for my healing before he does it and then I’ll get the answers? These are all great things, but God doesn’t work like this. I can’t trick Him or manipulate Him to get my way. He does things in His own time.

Along this path a lot of great things have happened, too. I was determined to finish college and graduated with my degree in history and a credential in secondary education. God brought me a husband who is a nurse and helps me with my physical pain (and he’s really cute too!) I got to see my nieces enter this world and I fell head over heels in love with my nephew. I struggled six years with infertility and how have a miracle baby. If God took me to heaven early, I wouldn’t have experienced these amazing events. God spared my life so I could live through this immense joy. The love that I have far surpasses the pain that I feel each day. God spared my life that painful day because He planned an awesome future for me.

It hasn’t been easy, though. Each step along this journey and each move in this wrestling match has been painfully slow. Through my doubts, my pouting, and my games, He is still holding me close. God disabled Jacob’s hip during their wrestling match so that Jacob could no longer walk in his own strength. He had to rely entirely on God. No one comes away from wrestling with God the same. I’m realizing that to get through the pain, I have to rely solely on God. I haven’t found a medicine or treatment that can take away my physical pain, but I know God will not let me face this journey alone. He is there for every time I cry in frustration in my bed at night. He is there when I yell in anger at Him because I face this gnawing pain without relief. He is there for me.

I still want to know why this happened and maybe I’ll never know. My head has healed, but I still experience pain daily and there is a scar. My soul has healed, but I still experience pain and there is a scar. The good part is that my scars are beautiful. They are a reminder of God’s faithfulness.

Child of God

I’m not one to gush. I thought babies were cute… from a distance (and the farther the better.) I thought cartoons were mind numbing. Kid songs were the ultimate punishment. Then my sister had three kids. I gushed. I memorized the television schedule on the Disney Channel and Nick Jr. I danced to kid music like I had never danced before. A sickening and beautiful transformation took place in me and through that experience, God has opened my eyes.

When I looked at those amazing people who walked like they had a pillow between their legs, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with joy. When they first learned to walk, I wanted to share their tentative steps with the world like they were the first children to make these colossal strides. Their giggles and yelps of delight were (and are) the most musical and carefree sounds. And that’s how God thinks of you and me.

I’ve heard probably a million times that I am a child of God; that God is a loving father. To any Christian this common knowledge is just like knowing that gravity exists or that water is made up of H20. Sometimes when we look at the most common, basic things, it’s there that we find the most amazing.

When I take my first steps at a new job, God is cheering me on. When I get a part in the church play, God is the proud father in the audience who whispers “That’s my kid.” When I stumble and scrape my ego, He picks me up, brushes off the shame, and holds my hand as we continue the journey.

Being a child of God, I am also realizing that it’s not just one sided; as a child of the Master, I have some serious obligations, too. When a baby says “dada” we ooh and aah. If a normal, healthy teenager said it, it would be pathetic. The same thing goes with our spiritual life. When we are baby Christians, it’s okay to crawl through the Word of God and stumble through our prayers. As we grow and spend time with God, we have to act like a mature Christian. As our father, God doesn’t want to spoon feed us forever.

As I continue in life, I also notice a change in the relationship between myself and my parents. Before I depended on them to change my diaper, get me the things I wanted, and I would get mad when I didn’t get my way. Now our relationship has taken on an amazing turn; my parents are now my friends. I am not just taking and wanting, I am also giving back. I think as a Christian, it is much the same way with God. As I grow in my faith and love for Him, its not about “give me this” or “I want that.” It’s becoming “What can I do for you, God?” “Where do you want me to go?” God has become my friend and my confidant and not the spiritual slot machine that so many make Him out to be. I want God to know that He can count on me and that I will be faithful.

Watching the kids around me (and now my own sweet daughter), I am also learning again what it is like to remain a child in the important ways. I used to cut and tape pictures to make books of my nephew’s favorite things in life: food, toys, and characters that I found in the Sunday advertising section of the newspaper. He would take it everywhere with him. God makes us sunsets and mountains out of his immense color pallet. He created birds to serenade us with unique melodies. The ocean roars to show us His power. The breeze dances to show us his tenderness. God creates gorgeous miracles daily for our enjoyment, and as I get older, sometimes I forget to see with child-like awe. Do you remember the first time you went to the zoo or aquarium? How could there be so many different animals? Being children of God means that our daddy made all of this for us, His children. Sometimes I forget to look. I see, but I don’t always look.

Another thing about being a child of God is that I inherit some of his qualities. I am made in his glorious image. He gave me a heart to love and feel and to share. He gave me a mind to ponder, to learn and to grow. He gave me hands to create, to lift up, to offer. He gave me so much, all I can do is give it back to Him.

Book Review - Anonymous by Alicia Britt-Chole

A few years ago at a women's retreat I was amazed and enlightened by the speaker, Alicia Britt-Chole. She opened my eyes to a concept that I never considered before. Now, several years later I can still remember her words and I share them with others. In a society where it's important to be known and in the "spotlight", she shows that those times when we are anonymous are some of the most important times of our lives.

Jesus' first three decades of life were mostly hidden. However, with his life (and with ours), it is critical that we not mistake unseen for unimportant. Hidden years are unapplauded but not unproductive. They are sacred spaces, to be rested in not rushed through and most definitely never to be regretted.


In this personal, reflective book, Alicia helps us recognize the riches that God grows in us during uncelebrated seasons of our lives. Here is a bit from the first chapter that I hope touches you as it does me:

1 the iceberg equation

Have you ever felt hidden? Have you ever moved to a new place or entered a new environment where no one knew who you were, what you could do, or what dreams ignited your soul? Have you ever crossed the threshold into another season of life, like parenthood or extended studies, where you shifted from recognition to anonymity, from the court to the bench, from standing as a leader to sitting as a learner again? Have you ever resigned or retired from a position or title and transitioned from being sought out to left out, consulted to unconsidered, celebrated to celebrating others?

In these hidden seasons, we are more familiar with being invisible than acclaimed. Concealed for months or years or decades, our potential seems to hibernate like a bear in winter, and over time we begin to wonder if spring will ever awaken it again.

Hidden hopes. Hidden dreams. Hidden gifts. All of us are acquainted with chapters in life when our visible fruitfulness is pruned back, our previously praiseworthy strengths become dormant, and our abilities are unnoticed by the watching world.

Like a flower whose budding glory is covered up by wet leaves, we sense the weight of hidden-ness in our hearts and whisper, “I have so much more to give and be.”

But there is One who can see the beauty of that covered, smothered flower: God himself. And, mysteriously, his delight in that beauty is not diminished by its leafy camouflage. Neither would his pleasure be amplified by the flower’s visibility. Good news indeed for the hidden.

In fact, obedience to this God who appreciates the visible and invisible equally has led many truly great souls into long seasons of anonymity. Some emerged from obscurity into eminence. Others remained relatively unknown. All agreed that God never wastes anyone’s time.

Whether we enter hidden-ness deliberately (as in pursuing an education or relocating with a new job) or unwillingly (as in an extended illness or in grief following the loss of a loved one), we can spend years feeling that the greatest part of us is submerged in the unseen, as though others can only see the tip of the iceberg of who we really are.

Through chattering teeth, arctic scientists inform us that only one-eighth to one-tenth of an iceberg is visible. As much as 90% is submerged in the unseen. Because of their enormous mass, with that proportion, icebergs are virtually indestructible.

10% visible + 90% unseen = an indestructible life. The most influential life in all of history reflected the iceberg equation. Ninety percent of his life on earth was spent in obscurity. Ten percent of his earthly life was spent in the public eye.

And all of his life was, and still is, absolutely indestructible.

Marvelous Meals with Pre-Cooked Chicken!

Marvelous Meals with Pre-Cooked Chicken!


I love chicken! It’s versatile, easy to prepare, economical, healthy, and my kids will eat it. But, if you are like me, chicken can get boring and it’s easy to fall into a rut of the same old things. I know there are recipes that our families love, but if you prepare them too often it can backfire and then those recipes are banished for a long time. I know this from my early married days and the now banished Cream of Mushroom Soup…

My favorite shortcut right now is roasting 4-6 chicken breasts to use throughout the week. You can put them in a crock pot with only salt and pepper for a few hours (longer will dry them out), or place them in a 350 degree oven for about 30-40 minutes with S&P and a little olive oil. I do this on a Sunday or Monday afternoon my cooking for the week is half done. These breasts (either boneless, skinless or not) can be used for many combinations of dinners. Here are my favorite uses:

• Add salsa for burritos or chicken quesadillas, chicken enchiladas

• Bar-b-que sauce (especially for the crock pot chicken) for pulled sandwiches

• Corn and chicken chowder, tortilla soup, or chicken minestrone

• Chicken and dumplings

• Slice and serve over pasta with Pesto or Marinara (melt a little cheese on it for Chicken Parmesan)

• Chicken Pot Pie with store bought crust, frozen or fresh veggies, cream of celery soup & milk

• Brush with teriyaki and reheat, sprinkle with sesame seeds, serve over rice

• Chicken fried rice

• Chicken Lettuce wraps – Bibb, red leaf, ice-burg or romaine lettuce with julienned carrots, green onions, and roasted peanuts. I serve it with two sauces – one teriyaki + water + garlic chili paste, the other peanut butter + hot water + garlic & ginger powder + soy sauce + garlic chili paste + honey

• Any type of salad topped with chicken – Cobb, Taco, Caesar, Chinese Chicken, etc.

• Chicken Panini’s – add cheeses, basil, sun dried tomatoes, ham, etc. Use a George Forman grill or just bake in the oven

• Chicken Pizzas made from store bought crusts and either bar-b-que sauce or any white sauce, cheese, bacon, green onions, tomatoes

• Empanada –season chopped chicken with a little cumin, coriander, sautéed onions & garlic, wrap in store bought pizza dough and bake

• Broil with ham and provolone on top for Chicken Cordon Bleu

• Casserole (oh how I wish I could make this, if not for the Cream of Mushroom Soup!) – Make your favorite tuna casserole and replace the tuna with chicken. Or, use any of your favorite casserole recipes and use chicken as the main meat.

Of course, rotisserie chickens are cheap and delicious to use in any of these recipes. I like to get them at Costco or Sam’s Club, and right now I am walking the fine line of over-use of serving them “as is”. I still like them, but I admit that they are better doctored up these days.

I have more specific recipes for anything mentioned above if you need them.

Please add any more ideas that you have to expand all of our repertoires of chicken!!

Marvelous Meals on the Go!

Marvelous Meals on the Go!


Are your kids in sports or other activities that happen during or near dinner time? I found my family in this situation this past little league season. Occasionally we picked up food on the way or (gulp) even ate at the snack bar, but we all know that this isn’t the healthiest or cheapest way to feed a family. I came up with meals that traveled well and were easy to prepare. Hopefully you can adapt some of these ideas for your family, too, even if it’s for an easy night at home!

My first discovery was a widened use of the Crock Pot. Throw in some bone-in, skin on chicken breasts with a jar of green salsa for 3-4 hours on low… chicken burrito filling. Make enough so that a few nights later you can use the filling for chicken enchiladas or tortilla soup. Or, add a roast beef cut or pot roast with a jar of any red salsa and you have beef burritos. Wrap the meat fillings with refried beans in foil and you’re good to go.

Next we ate fancier sandwiches than we ate for lunch. I copied salads and sandwiches that I had at restaurants. Chicken Caesar (grilled chicken with a Caesar salad on top on a French roll), Turkey Cobb with bacon and blue cheese (not on all my kids’!), French dip with little cups of beef broth enriched with a little garlic powder and sherry cooking wine, steak with grilled onions. Luncheon meats work great for the French dip roast beef, turkey cobb, and ham Panini’s. (Panini’s are great in the George Foreman grill.) In this sandwich category you can also include wraps. Take a large tortilla and add cream cheese, any meat, any vegetables. You can drizzle with different salad dressings for varying effects. Use chicken and coslaw mix and add a little sesame ginger dressing for asian, cilantro dressing for southwestern, or Italian dressing for an antipasto wrap.

After weeks of the above meals, I did sometimes just package up regular meals and it turned out great. I had a plastic container for each family member and added a base of rice or potatoes and added meat and a veggie for a “bowl”-type meal. The kids loved eating this way because it was different than how we normally ate the same ingredients at home.

It’s important that you have a couple of small ice chests that you can throw over your shoulder. One is for cold things like water bottles, fruit, and veggies. The other you can make cold for sandwiches are salads or hot with a heat pack for hot items. It is essential to have plenty of napkins and utensils and a bag for garbage.

Let me know if you have more ideas to share about eating on the go!!

The Extra Mile

I set up this blog weeks ago with my mind brimming with things to write about. I occasionally teach at women's retreats and at conferences on parenting, cooking, and organizing, and after leading a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group, I realized that some of the ideas I have gathered and come up with are things that others may find helpful in their own homes.

But, as I sat down tonight for my first posting, I realize that before I get into all the real nitty-gritty things, there is a valuable lesson I think that all women can benefit from. It's a lesson as old as time, but unfortunately I think it is losing its power and is fading away. Let me explain.

I have a friend named Diane. I also call her my sugar mama as a joke, but I highly recommend that every woman find a person like Diane. She is almost 20 years my senior, and she is an amazing woman. The first time I met Diane I was at church helping in the kitchen at a women's tea. There she was wearing an apron just like my Japanese grandmother had worn. It brought back memories for me in a flash! "You look just like my Grandma!" I exclaimed. The poor woman looked a little horrified as my compliment fell as an insult on her ears. She then laughed and introduced herself as I put my foot in my mouth.

Over time Diane and I talked more and more. She kind of adopted me and took me under her wing. I do have a mom whom I am very close to, and I have two sisters and friends, but my relationship with Diane is different. She is my mentor. She is a woman who babysits for me (even when I was in labor in the middle of the night!), she takes me out to fun restaurants and for pedicures, she helps pay for my retreats, throws me parties, and most importantly, lends me an open ear and heart whenever I need her. She prays for me and offers Godly wisdom that I so cherish. This list could go on and on! Diane pours into my life a special friendship that I never knew could exist.

Long ago the older women would teach the next generation, and that generation would pour into the next, and so on. What has happened to our society where it's a shame to grow older and be dismissed? There are women out there with a wealth of information that can help us and save us from mistakes. Many moms have walked our path before and have much to offer. In MOPS and now in the new mom's group I belong to, I love to have question and answer time with the mentors. My favorite things to know are their greatest regrets as a mom, what their favorite memories were, what they would do differently if they could do it all again.... these are questions that can change our paths as mothers today.

It has been a sort of mission of mine to find women of whom I can glean information. My son was born with a birth defect. I have found a good friend in Sonnie who tells people that what we have in common is "broken" babies. Her daughter passed away 13 years ago, but she is someone I can lean on when the stress of it overcomes me. My friend Judy has taught cooking for years both in high schools and in college. She is a great resource for not only recipes and cooking for large events, but how to build memories with food with my kids. Then there is Marci. She is an amazing leader of the women's ministries department of our church. I can go to her for advice on starting new projects, managing difficult people or situations, and for serious prayer. I can go on - Jackie who raised four kids and leads the nursery, Deb who has written published books and is an incredible grandmother, Sondra who is a nurse and an amazing mother... all of these women are older than me but they stop and are willing to teach me things when I ask. I am so thankful for this bank God has laid before me! I have gathered these relationships over years of going to bible studies, joining book clubs, volunteering where needed. I have found quality women when I make the effort to get out there and when I pray for God to lead me to them.

Then there is Diane. She has taught me so very much! She is the master of going the extra mile not only for me, but for every person that she loves. She has taught me that survival is not okay - that truly living and enjoying life is where it's at. She loves God and feels loved by God and it shows in her face and all that she does. She doesn't just invite people over for lunch - she makes a gorgeous meal with flowers and favors and music... she makes all around her feel like they are truly special. This is what she has taught me, and I hope that one day when my kids are grown like hers, that I will take the time and effort to pour into another mom's life who is still in the throes of raising her kids as she has in mine. I would like to pay it forward.