As I've already written, I deal with fibromyalgia and have chronic pain. It really, really, REALLY stinks. The past few weeks it has been getting worse; I pop pills, take long showers, throw the aromatherapy heating pad into the microwave, and slap on a few menthol pain patches to no avail. There is one thing I keep forgetting to do and it should be the most obvious: pray.
I didn't really realize this until I went to church yesterday and the pastor prayed over the congregation. It got me thinking: "Why have I stopped praying for this issue that has plagued me for so long?" There are several reasons I've come up with:
1) Having a baby definitely keeps me busy. It certainly takes a lot of selflessness and my prayers are focused more on getting a good night's sleep (which is another dilemma unto itself).
2) It's so much easier to pop ibruprofen and hide in a steamy shower. When I pray for healing, I feel like I have to analyze my spiritual self and battle with feelings of doubt, forgiveness, and self loathing. I try to figure out why I'm not healed yet and after 13 years, that gets quite exhausting.
3) I've already had my miracle. God opened my womb and gave me the baby that I was longing to have. Asking for more just seems greedy.
4) I've given up. I figure if God hasn't healed me by now, this just might be the thorn that I have to bear the rest of my life. I'm tired of saying the same prayer and He's probably tired of hearing it.
Okay, all of these theories are complete garbage and my head knows it. I just get tired of fighting the same battle over and over. I guess now I have two things to pray for - healing AND a fresh touch from God. If I truly knew the character of God, I would probably never stop praying in the first place.
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