As some of you know, I struggled with infertility for six long and painful years. During that time I journaled and wrote many articles for our Women's Ministries Newsletter. Here is one from August 2005.
“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.” We all know these familiar words. Being half Greek, I remember going to weddings and baptisms and hearing these words echo off the domed walls that towered with paintings of Mary and the apostles. I’ve heard sermons on the Lord’s Prayer and have taken pages of notes. I’ve seen outdated wall hangings written in embellished script lacquered to shiny wood reminding passers by of these hallowed words. It hasn’t been until now, when I’ve desperately prayed for specific issues in my life, that these sacred words have truly come to life: thy will be done.
Vince and I have been married for five wonderful years and I desperately want a baby. (Thy will be done.) I changed my life and my schedule to adjust to when this blessing would come. (Thy will be done.) I have pleaded, I have cried, I have prayed. (Thy will be done.) Each time I have prayed, each day I have prayed, I’ve asked for God’s perfect will to be done. If God doesn’t want me to have a baby, I don’t want to force my will and overrule his divine plan for my life. However, this is quite easy to write and so hard to live by. When my cousin had her baby shower, I debated whether or not I could handle the booties, bottles and bibs which would be glaring reminders of that which I did not have. Then I heard God’s soft voice interrupt the persistent arguments and rationalizations that filled my thoughts; He said gently and unmistakably that my love for my cousin had to be stronger than my jealousy of her. Needless to say, I rejoiced with my cousin over the birth of her baby girl. God gave her one of the most beautiful gifts anyone could experience and I can’t be jealous over someone else’s blessings.
He hasn’t told me to go through the medical process of getting pregnant or adopting a child; I have to be content waiting for His timing and His answers. The answer may be "no" forever. The answer may be that something else is planned for me first. I just have to be obedient in whatever God tells me to do. God’s will is the best place to be and the only place to be; anywhere else terrifies me. When God is in control, I know the best is yet to come.
Dear Lord, let your will be done in my life. Break down my pride, break down my flesh until your will is completed in my life. Being in your will means truly being a living sacrifice. I trust that you know best. Help me to be strong when I feel so weak and my mind is so confused. Amen.
Well, I did end up having a baby in September 2010 (without medical intervention). It was the hardest journey I have ever had to travel and I have somewhat of an idea of why this road was so long; I didn't have the patience, attitude or grateful heart to be the mom that Elliana needs me to be. God's will and His timing are perfect!
“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.” We all know these familiar words. Being half Greek, I remember going to weddings and baptisms and hearing these words echo off the domed walls that towered with paintings of Mary and the apostles. I’ve heard sermons on the Lord’s Prayer and have taken pages of notes. I’ve seen outdated wall hangings written in embellished script lacquered to shiny wood reminding passers by of these hallowed words. It hasn’t been until now, when I’ve desperately prayed for specific issues in my life, that these sacred words have truly come to life: thy will be done.
Vince and I have been married for five wonderful years and I desperately want a baby. (Thy will be done.) I changed my life and my schedule to adjust to when this blessing would come. (Thy will be done.) I have pleaded, I have cried, I have prayed. (Thy will be done.) Each time I have prayed, each day I have prayed, I’ve asked for God’s perfect will to be done. If God doesn’t want me to have a baby, I don’t want to force my will and overrule his divine plan for my life. However, this is quite easy to write and so hard to live by. When my cousin had her baby shower, I debated whether or not I could handle the booties, bottles and bibs which would be glaring reminders of that which I did not have. Then I heard God’s soft voice interrupt the persistent arguments and rationalizations that filled my thoughts; He said gently and unmistakably that my love for my cousin had to be stronger than my jealousy of her. Needless to say, I rejoiced with my cousin over the birth of her baby girl. God gave her one of the most beautiful gifts anyone could experience and I can’t be jealous over someone else’s blessings.
He hasn’t told me to go through the medical process of getting pregnant or adopting a child; I have to be content waiting for His timing and His answers. The answer may be "no" forever. The answer may be that something else is planned for me first. I just have to be obedient in whatever God tells me to do. God’s will is the best place to be and the only place to be; anywhere else terrifies me. When God is in control, I know the best is yet to come.
Dear Lord, let your will be done in my life. Break down my pride, break down my flesh until your will is completed in my life. Being in your will means truly being a living sacrifice. I trust that you know best. Help me to be strong when I feel so weak and my mind is so confused. Amen.
Well, I did end up having a baby in September 2010 (without medical intervention). It was the hardest journey I have ever had to travel and I have somewhat of an idea of why this road was so long; I didn't have the patience, attitude or grateful heart to be the mom that Elliana needs me to be. God's will and His timing are perfect!
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