Being Content

I'm finally content. As I sit at my desk today deciding what I should write about I realized this colossal fact: I am finally content. My surroundings haven't changed; it's what God has done in my heart.

I honestly cannot remember a time in my life where I was happy being right where I was. I wanted a better job. I wanted to look better. I wanted a bigger house. I wanted more money. Okay, so those are things I still want (plus no pain, another child, a better city to live in...). But I realized that if the blessings I have now were the only ones that God so deems to give me, I would be grateful.

There's something about waiting and fighting for the things you want that makes you appreciate the reward. I prayed for Vince for two years before we ever went out on our first date. I prayed for a house for two years and the down payment came from my car accident insurance money (so it was definitely bought with my blood, sweat and tears.) I prayed for Elliana for six years before God ever put her in my womb. And there are several people who traveled and fought along side me when I no longer had the strength or faith to keep on going. I am blessed.

Every night I pray for my daughter and the traits that I want her to have. I realized that the only way for her to develop into a woman of God is for me to pattern what that should look like. Boy, did that convict me! The bumps and bruises of life have caused me to be a cynic. Time and motherhood have caused me to re-evaluate who I am and who I want to be. My first step is towards gratefulness.