The Extra Mile

I set up this blog weeks ago with my mind brimming with things to write about. I occasionally teach at women's retreats and at conferences on parenting, cooking, and organizing, and after leading a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group, I realized that some of the ideas I have gathered and come up with are things that others may find helpful in their own homes.

But, as I sat down tonight for my first posting, I realize that before I get into all the real nitty-gritty things, there is a valuable lesson I think that all women can benefit from. It's a lesson as old as time, but unfortunately I think it is losing its power and is fading away. Let me explain.

I have a friend named Diane. I also call her my sugar mama as a joke, but I highly recommend that every woman find a person like Diane. She is almost 20 years my senior, and she is an amazing woman. The first time I met Diane I was at church helping in the kitchen at a women's tea. There she was wearing an apron just like my Japanese grandmother had worn. It brought back memories for me in a flash! "You look just like my Grandma!" I exclaimed. The poor woman looked a little horrified as my compliment fell as an insult on her ears. She then laughed and introduced herself as I put my foot in my mouth.

Over time Diane and I talked more and more. She kind of adopted me and took me under her wing. I do have a mom whom I am very close to, and I have two sisters and friends, but my relationship with Diane is different. She is my mentor. She is a woman who babysits for me (even when I was in labor in the middle of the night!), she takes me out to fun restaurants and for pedicures, she helps pay for my retreats, throws me parties, and most importantly, lends me an open ear and heart whenever I need her. She prays for me and offers Godly wisdom that I so cherish. This list could go on and on! Diane pours into my life a special friendship that I never knew could exist.

Long ago the older women would teach the next generation, and that generation would pour into the next, and so on. What has happened to our society where it's a shame to grow older and be dismissed? There are women out there with a wealth of information that can help us and save us from mistakes. Many moms have walked our path before and have much to offer. In MOPS and now in the new mom's group I belong to, I love to have question and answer time with the mentors. My favorite things to know are their greatest regrets as a mom, what their favorite memories were, what they would do differently if they could do it all again.... these are questions that can change our paths as mothers today.

It has been a sort of mission of mine to find women of whom I can glean information. My son was born with a birth defect. I have found a good friend in Sonnie who tells people that what we have in common is "broken" babies. Her daughter passed away 13 years ago, but she is someone I can lean on when the stress of it overcomes me. My friend Judy has taught cooking for years both in high schools and in college. She is a great resource for not only recipes and cooking for large events, but how to build memories with food with my kids. Then there is Marci. She is an amazing leader of the women's ministries department of our church. I can go to her for advice on starting new projects, managing difficult people or situations, and for serious prayer. I can go on - Jackie who raised four kids and leads the nursery, Deb who has written published books and is an incredible grandmother, Sondra who is a nurse and an amazing mother... all of these women are older than me but they stop and are willing to teach me things when I ask. I am so thankful for this bank God has laid before me! I have gathered these relationships over years of going to bible studies, joining book clubs, volunteering where needed. I have found quality women when I make the effort to get out there and when I pray for God to lead me to them.

Then there is Diane. She has taught me so very much! She is the master of going the extra mile not only for me, but for every person that she loves. She has taught me that survival is not okay - that truly living and enjoying life is where it's at. She loves God and feels loved by God and it shows in her face and all that she does. She doesn't just invite people over for lunch - she makes a gorgeous meal with flowers and favors and music... she makes all around her feel like they are truly special. This is what she has taught me, and I hope that one day when my kids are grown like hers, that I will take the time and effort to pour into another mom's life who is still in the throes of raising her kids as she has in mine. I would like to pay it forward.